A man’s extension

It has been a long time since I penned down my thoughts. A really long time. And there has been a lot of changes in life. Positive changes, mostly. I am married now. And I am very well satisfied with my partner. Plus, we are soon expecting a little addition to us.
This post is inspired by a real-life incident that happened a few days ago. We were on a double-date with another lovely couple when we shared among us what we like in our spouses. While I mentioned his coolness quotient, my mate complimented my wittiness. It flared bliss inside of me. At that moment I didn’t think much of it, but then, today, it sparked a thought.

A lot of men, when asked, say that they appreciate the caring nature of their wives. Some mention their reservedness, some their adjustability, while some their supportiveness. Most of these traits revolve around understanding, belief/trust, affirmation, acceptance, availability and less chattering. Overall, it is about she being there for him; it is about she being an extension of him.

It has been ingrained in us that a wife is an addition to a man’s life, while a husband is paramount to a woman’s life.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, a Nigerian writer

It is not that portraying a woman as caring is wrong. Expecting care from one’s partner is natural. In fact, people yearn for relationships because they need someone to back them up. But expecting this support only from women is certainly not acceptable. Nor is personifying women as an entity of care-giving.

For any alliance to work, be it the traditional man-woman accord or a queer relationship, the effort must be mutual and balanced. It is important that both the individuals foster each other. Nevertheless, it is critical to appreciate the individualities of each other; to let each other thrive in their uniqueness.

So, today, I was wondering what made me immensely happy when he called me intelligent. Is it that he thinks I’m intelligent? I have been called intelligent before. It is because my man values me as an individual human being and not as his mere extension.

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